How Ironic

How Ironic

I can finally laugh when I think of this. I spent years and years in total anguish searching for most of my birth sisters. When I was 12 my Mom told me that I had one sister and I spent the next 25 years wondering, Who she was?, did we look alike? Where is she? Would we hang out together? When I finally began my search I learned I was one of 12 and that just blew me away. Now my heart wanted to find them all and reunite us all. As I searched I guess I was not in reality, little did I expect, that some of were adopted in to other families, some of us stayed in Foster Care, some of us lived with their father. My birth parents had six I was number nine in Birth order. Well needless to say after 2ooyears of finding them all I want to to is run away now. My actual full blooded bitches, ooops I mean sisters were the meanest, most sinful, hurtful bunch of women I ever had the opportunity of knowing. My self esteem must have been pretty low to read the nasty things they wrote me for years and years of how I'm not up to their standards, their life has no room for me, blah blah blah , and then for me to go back time and time again for more punishment and heart ache praying that this time things will be different. Even up to a few short weeks ago, during the weekend of grieving the death of my brother Cliff these girls came "a knockin"with fangs baring and hiding behind lies to justify how they treat me. The only one who can ever justify how to treat me is me, but some how I gave them permission to be cruel and hurtful, some how I allowed them to use my heart and stomp my soul. The Irony is I never thought I could live with out knowing them, but now that I know them I can easily life with out them. To think I had to spend thousands of dollars to find that out, is absurd . Oh well ,I've pissed away money before, but this time there is no refund or exchange this is final sale you own it, but I'd rather own the truth than the not knowing.